Jeff Daly found his sister after a 47 year separation. He has spent the past three years reestablishing his relationship with Molly and tells their story in a feature-length documentary called Where?s Molly, which can be found at www.wheresmolly.net.

Frequently Asked Questions:

1) I have a family member who has been missing for decades. Is it worth opening old wounds to try to reunite with him?

A) My sister Molly was erased from our family 50 years ago as society suggested it was best for the entire family. We know today that is not the reality. My parent’s lives were changed and our family struggled to forget Molly and that only caused more problems. Today, Molly is part of a large family and my only regret is I didn’t reach out to find her sooner.

2) What advice do you have for other families struggling with the placement of a child in an institution many years ago?

A) Don’t cast blame, rather, go find your family member and mend wounds in a positive manner. I wish that I would have talked to my parents about Molly. I believe it would have helped them cope with a decision they made during a time when social norms were different than today. I believe it would have helped them rectify past mistakes.

3) How is Molly’s life different today as a result of her reunion with family?

A) Molly is once again cherished and loved by family members and we know she feels that. Most importantly, Molly’s physician now has family health information that can help enhance her care and longevity. Molly continues to learn new words and brother is a favorite.

4) Has finding Molly caused problems for your family?

A) Not all of our family members are comfortable knowing Molly and state that they must respect the wishes of my parents to not have a relationship with her. This has caused problems and the family continues to struggle with beliefs of what is right and wrong. Social norms change and families must adapt to current practices and accept that segregation and isolation of any family member is harmful to all involved.

5) If I find my family member, am I then financially responsible for their care?

A) Most individuals who were sent to institutions as children were made wards of the state and the state and federal government resources pay for their care. Family members are not required to assist or take financial responsibility.

6) What role would I be required to take if I do find a lost family member?

A) There are no requirements and each person determines what the future relationship will be. I live in a different state than Molly and can’t visit with her all the time. Our relationship still flourishes with even limited interaction.

7) I am fearful of a reunion and don’t know where to start. What do you suggest?

A) When I found Molly after 47 years apart, I asked many questions of her care providers such as:
- how does Molly communicate?
- what does Molly like to do?
- what should I do to help Molly adjust to these changes?
- how can I enhance Molly’s life?

This helped ease my fear and concern and care providers are always close at hand to help strengthen our relationship.

8) What have you learned from Molly?

A) Molly has brought new words into my life: forgiveness, patience and tolerance. She’s taught me that no matter what you’re handed in life, you make the best of it and move forward. Molly is a very happy, loving person and has persevered in the worst circumstances and that is a lesson to all.

9) I entered family information into the database but there hasn’t been a match. What do you suggest I do to find my sibling?

A) First I would contact the Department of Human Services in the last known state where your family member resided. Give them all the information you have and ask them for information. Don’t give up. Keep asking until you have an answer.

B) Ask family members, friends or old neighbors for more information. In most cases, people know more than is commonly shared in conversations. Assure those with the information that you have the best intentions and that mistakes of the past can be corrected.

C) Conduct an on-line search to find out if the last known institution or address exists and probe those areas. Clues are there and telephone numbers are readily available.

D) Don’t let fear stop you from reuniting with lost relatives. They might have been waiting for you all these years.

 

Do you have a question that you don't see answered here? Please send it to findfamily@thearclink.org.